Author: carinemily

It’s not difficult
To tell
Which ladies
Are interested in you
During Covid,
Because they are literally risking
Their lives
Just to speak with
You.

If they would like
To chatter
Out of loneliness,
Throw a few
Wise and thoughtful words
In their direction,

And if you decide
To share
Fluids and Germs
Later
Try not to be
A complete ass.

The first time you brought me coffee
I sat timidly
And feared your closeness,

Until I realized
That life is about taking
Risks,

And that
Sometimes its worth
Sharing spit droplets
With someone
Special,

If it brings you closer
To the heaven
That surely exists.

When you have a stigmatized disability
Like Schizophrenia
Signing an
“At Will Employment Agreement”
Is like handing your employers
An invisible gun.

Once they find out
You are a liability
They may pull
The trigger and

You will find yourself
Terminated
Without explanation
Or cause.

I haven’t been touched by someone since
Co-vid arrived,

But losing a hundred pounds
In a year
Has given me the opportunity
To catch
A few smiles
From pretty ladies,

And inspired me to
Walk an hour
Everyday.

15 years ago my shrink told me
I was too damn crazy to ever be
Sane again,

So I got a new Psychiatrist
And became stable.

Last year a surgeon told me
I was too damn fat and needed
Surgery,

So I told him I would lose
100 pounds in a year
Naturally,

And he told me
“Impossible”.

Well here I am now,
1 year later and
100 lbs thinner and
Fairly sane.

These doctors need to learn
About the power of
Willpower
In medical school.

Don’t ever give up,
No matter what
People tell you.

People never really thought highly
Of the delivery man until
Covid rolled around and made
Everyone afraid to
Leave their home.

Now I get Emoji’s of appreciation
On my phone from customers
And blown kisses from
Pretty gals
On overhead balconies.

Even with a deadly virus
Roaming about people still
Want their KFC
White Castles, Taco Bell and
McDonalds.

So I deliver their cravings to them
In my Red Toyota
Absolving their risk
Of infection
While filling my pocketbooks
With money,

And stealing a few
Hearts along the way.

I tried working
At different companies
For years and since then
I’ve been fired what seems to be
A million times.

I used to think I was
Unproductive and meek,

Until I realized that some of these
Large companies are very
Slick and stealthy in their
Methods of
Discrimination.

I broke the cycle
By working for myself
And now make
A decent and fair wage
Based upon what I produce,

And not on what
The corporate dogs
Think.

There are many people
Out there who are perfectly alright
Treating others horribly
And making the world a
Worse place.

Some of them end up
Common criminals while the
More clever ones end up as
CEOs or politicians.

From their perspective
Kindness is a weakness,
And being a bully
Is a way of life.

When such people
Reach leadership positions
It is astounding
How many seemingly
Rational people will
Readily follow
Their leader
Into the meat grinder.

When you vote for someone who
Doesn’t believe in the democratic system
And is a self serving narcissist,

This is what you get.

I drove downtown
During my delivery job today
And realized that some of the
Local coffee shops and bars
That I frequent had been
Vandalized or looted.

I was saddened to see
The destruction,
Of these once happy
Venues.

They have been caught
In the crossfire
Of an ongoing political
Battle for the soul
Of America.

It is not yet June
And I have a feeling
That this Summer will
Change the world.

I love this country with
All its flaws
Which is why watching it
Burn is
So painful.

I wish I could fast forward
Through all the chaos
And get to the stage of
Healing and peace,

I hope I don’t have to
Wait too long.

The Corona virus is
Psychologically torturous.

You feel as if
Every sneeze or cough
You hear is a loaded gun
Pointed at you

And every unwashed surface
Is a germ factory
Waiting to infest your
Lungs.

I’ve never seen the country
Endure a disaster
Of such magnitude,

But on a personal level
I have experienced
A deeper hell than this.

Nothing is worse than psychosis.

 

I wish I had a remote
That could
Fast forward to the day
A vaccine is found
Against CoVid-19.

I would replay that day
Over and over
Again
To help me understand
What prisoners
Feel like
The day they are
Liberated.

This damn thing in the air
Is driving everyone mad

Its as if the whole world
Caught on fire one day
After it got a taste of
Mortality.

Maybe after this disease
Blows away
People will understand
What it feels like
To feel vulnerable

And grow a kinder heart.

Hello Mortality,

You came knocking
On my door unexpectedly
One evening

And I ran inside my room
For two months.

I came out
To meet you
Face to face,

Where you told me
That you had always
Been hiding next to me,

And that you decided
To reveal yourself.

From the window of my car
I see the destruction of Covid-19
While doing my delivery job.

I see
The many victims of this
Vicious disease:

Old disabled men
Asking for a handout
While scared patrons
Run by.

Nursing homes
That are guarded
Like fortresses
From outsiders and
Old people with fear
In their eyes.

People quarantined
In their homes
Who can’t get along
Arguing on the streets

People
Without jobs
And isolation
Isolation
Isolation.

I deliver food to houses
Where people linger inside
Who have had no contact
With the outside world
For sometime.

Yesterday I received
A letter on a doorstep
That they are
“Healthy and Safe”

And I left a little slice of
Comfort on their doorstep
In the form of pizza.

The devil brewed a dish
And unleashed it upon the world
A slice of mortality
For all the world to experience
At once,

But
The most lethal
Aspect of the virus
Is that it divides us.

Each day
I yearn for a hug or touch
To placate me,
A smile to serenade me,
A kiss on the cheek
To appease me,
A hospitable voice
To greet me,

Yet I receive none.

People come all over the world
To view my museum
Located at schizophrenicwriter.com

Some because they have loved ones
Who suffer
Others because they are searching
For a solution.

They view my delusional thoughts
Like paintings on the wall,
To be admired and feared.