Schizophrenia Uncensored Poetry Blog

I fell apart into
A thousand pieces
Twenty years ago
And it’s taken almost that long to
Sew myself back together.

Piece by piece

Part by part

Brainwaves being rerouted
Into their proper places and
Neurons being soothed into
A serene state of being through

Medication
Exercise
Diet and
An honest job.

It’s been a
Monumental task
That exhibits how
Self improvement is
An endeavor worth pursuing
For even the most flawed
Human being.

I got my first covid vaccination
A few weeks ago,

And I feel…

Bliss.

For a year now I’ve dodged that
Virus through mask wearing
And hand washing.

I’ve been coughed and sneezed
On at work countless times by
Careless individuals,

But alas luck and science
Have triumphed and I now
Live my life
Undamaged by the
Virus

Other than a rather
Boring year spent on
Self-reflection.

Delivering food during Covid
As a courier
I saw a lot of ambulances
Everywhere,

Unseen
Behind their metallic walls
Covid patients were
Gasping for breathe
Inside.

It makes you realize how
Cruel and uneven
The world is

A disease that
Targets the elderly and
Disabled,

And leaves the young
And healthy untouched.

I’m still in my forties
And have taken to task
The job of delivering food
To those
Who dare not step outside.

I go from place to place
Watching the destruction
Around me;

Sirens blaring
People scared
Driving here
Driving there
Picking up food
Delivering it to empty
Doorsteps

Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.

I’ve been called a Commie
Before
But the truth is that
I think of myself as
A Henry David Thoreau
Follower.

The idea that
Equality and justice
Can be achieved solely
Through the redistribution
Of wealth,

Is a farce
In my opinion.

The reason being that
Most poverty
Exists outside of the
Human Eye,

Inside the immaterial
Realm.

Spiritual
Health and
Mental
Poverty can be

More hellish
Than you
Can imagine.

I hate the words
Depression
Schizophrenia
Bipolar
And everything else
That the DSM has devised.

Sometimes I think I would have been
Better off never having received a
Diagnosis
At all.

The stigma of a
Mental Health diagnosis
Has been daunting
And demoralizing.

Instead
I would have preferred that the
Doctors
Wrote down a list of symptoms
And problems that I have been
Struggling with
Then decided to tackle them each
One by one.

I’ve known a lot of people with
Mental Illness
And every single one
Of them is different.

People are unique and
No label
The doctors stick on you can
Accurately describe the
Infinitely complex nature of the
Human mind.

It is what it is.
Don’t forget that.

When I worked at a
Mental Health facility
As a Recovery Specialist
I couldn’t help but notice how
Sane some of the intakes
Seemed.

I don’t think a lot of them realized
How “crazy” your average asshole
On the street is.

I meet people everyday
More inept
Than half the people at that
Facility.

Some of them belonged there
But others would have done
Better elsewhere.

I left years ago
And it’s been mostly
Smiles ever since.

I am no MLK or Gandhi
Or leader or saint.

I am no model of
Chivalry or virtue,

And I am definitely
Not a therapist
Or harbinger of
Hope.

Poetry
For me is a
Selfish endeavor.

I do it because I
Love it
And because
I am addicted to it.

If my words have brought
You comfort or hope
Then I am happy for you…
But I do it
For myself.

I am in love with
The attention
The fame
The adoration
The power of persuasion
The power of expression
The power of manipulation

If you are looking for
Moral leadership
Then you best look
Elsewhere,

But be wary
Most of the self described
“Do-Gooders” and “Saints”
I’ve met
Are actually wolves in
Sheep’s clothing

Hanging out at coffee shops
On a Saturday night during a
Pandemic might sound like
Russian Roulette for some people

But when you have lived in the hell
Called “Psychosis”
A deadly virus sounds like
A walk in the park.

I’m sitting in a crowded coffee shop
Filled with college students
Who don’t give a damn
About this pandemic
And I can almost touch the Covid
In the air.

After a year of distancing and
Driving myself insane through
Self isolation I decided to
Live life again
Write poetry and

Let God decide
The rest.