The Difficult Road

It’s mesmerizing
How far I’ve come with
My recovery since
My first psychotic break
Twenty years ago.

I remember the sickness
And unimaginable pain
That brought
Tears to my eyes.

I remember praying to
God to show me
A path out.

I remember losing everything

Friends,
Home,
Money,
Job,
Health,
Sanity.

I remember thinking that no
Human being could endure
Such torture
For long.

I remember every delusional thought
Feeling like an arrow
In my heart.

I remember the pain I brought
To the people I loved
And who tried to help me.

I remember my paranoia
Guiding my actions.

I remember all of it,

And like a hardened veteran
Who underwent a war
Within the mind,

Sometimes
Wish that I could
Forget.

The Drunkard

Watching America collapse
From self-inflicted wounds
Reminds me of
My alcoholic days,

When I intoxicated myself
Everyday with
Alcohol and
Self pity,

And I should have
Been trying to give a damn
About my health.

Biohazard

I interact with 100 people a day
Standing in crowded rooms
At restaurants and cafes
Wearing my delivery cap
And face mask,

While breathing in toxic air
And risking my health
For the wealthy and desperate
Individuals who can afford
My services.

When I deliver food
To the scared customers
Waiting inside,

No one is in sight
For fear that my cough
Will bring them death
From this blight.

I am the delivery guy
That breathes in sickness
And death,

So that others can
Stay safe inside

And wait for Covid-19
To subside.

Sixteen Percent

It’s hard to panic during a
Pandemic
After you’ve survived a
Catastrophic illness
Like Schizophrenia.

It would be a cruel
Act of God if I were
To die from the Covid-19,

Given that
The recovery rate for
Schizophrenia is
About 1 in 6.

However I have found
It difficult to watch
The world burn

While it struggles
With the concept
Of its own mortality.

 

The New America

I still love America these days
Even if its in a post-apocalyptic
Way.

I still love the air
I breathe here
Even if its filled with toxicity and
Sickness and death.

I still love the
Nature of America and
Its many great landmarks and
Parks that still dwell
Untouched by the pandemic.

I still love the people here;
The mobsters, the free spirits
The hoodlums and pranksters
The art creators and other
Eccentric types
That make up
This great country of ours.

I still love its many great cities
And its diverse population
Where every form of life
Can still be found,
Even if they now live in fear.

And
I still love this country
Because I know
That someday
It will learn
From its many
Recent mistakes
And transgressions,

And become something
Better and greater than
It was before,

But first it will need to
Hurt.

Really bad.

Which is where we
Are now at now…

Romeo and Juliet 2020

Take off that mask
Baby doll
So that I can see those
Bright teeth,
Pink lips
And pretty cheeks.

Then
Stand close
To me
So that I can feel
Your warm breathe,

Let me taste the
Covid on your lips
And have you stand
Beside me
6 inches apart

So that we may
Be as one
Till our last
Dying breath.

Risky Connection

It’s not difficult
To tell
Which ladies
Are interested in you
During Covid,
Because they are literally risking
Their lives
Just to speak with
You.

If they would like
To chatter
Out of loneliness,
Throw a few
Wise and thoughtful words
In their direction,

And if you decide
To share
Fluids and Germs
Later
Try not to be
A complete ass.

Breathe on Me

The first time you brought me coffee
I sat timidly
And feared your closeness,

Until I realized
That life is about taking
Risks,

And that
Sometimes its worth
Sharing spit droplets
With someone
Special,

If it brings you closer
To the heaven
That surely exists.

The Invisible Crime

When you have a stigmatized disability
Like Schizophrenia
Signing an
“At Will Employment Agreement”
Is like handing your employers
An invisible gun.

Once they find out
You are a liability
They may pull
The trigger and

You will find yourself
Terminated
Without explanation
Or cause.

Pounds of Love

I haven’t been touched by someone since
Co-vid arrived,

But losing a hundred pounds
In a year
Has given me the opportunity
To catch
A few smiles
From pretty ladies,

And inspired me to
Walk an hour
Everyday.

Do the Impossible

15 years ago my shrink told me
I was too damn crazy to ever be
Sane again,

So I got a new Psychiatrist
And became stable.

Last year a surgeon told me
I was too damn fat and needed
Surgery,

So I told him I would lose
100 pounds in a year
Naturally,

And he told me
“Impossible”.

Well here I am now,
1 year later and
100 lbs thinner and
Fairly sane.

These doctors need to learn
About the power of
Willpower
In medical school.

Don’t ever give up,
No matter what
People tell you.

The Delivery Man

People never really thought highly
Of the delivery man until
Covid rolled around and made
Everyone afraid to
Leave their home.

Now I get Emoji’s of appreciation
On my phone from customers
And blown kisses from
Pretty gals
On overhead balconies.

Even with a deadly virus
Roaming about people still
Want their KFC
White Castles, Taco Bell and
McDonalds.

So I deliver their cravings to them
In my Red Toyota
Absolving their risk
Of infection
While filling my pocketbooks
With money,

And stealing a few
Hearts along the way.

The Leader

There are many people
Out there who are perfectly alright
Treating others horribly
And making the world a
Worse place.

Some of them end up
Common criminals while the
More clever ones end up as
CEOs or politicians.

From their perspective
Kindness is a weakness,
And being a bully
Is a way of life.

When such people
Reach leadership positions
It is astounding
How many seemingly
Rational people will
Readily follow
Their leader
Into the meat grinder.

Chaos

When you vote for someone who
Doesn’t believe in the democratic system
And is a self serving narcissist,

This is what you get.

Innocent Bystanders

I drove downtown
During my delivery job today
And realized that some of the
Local coffee shops and bars
That I frequent had been
Vandalized or looted.

I was saddened to see
The destruction,
Of these once happy
Venues.

They have been caught
In the crossfire
Of an ongoing political
Battle for the soul
Of America.

2020 On Fire

It is not yet June
And I have a feeling
That this Summer will
Change the world.

I love this country with
All its flaws
Which is why watching it
Burn is
So painful.

I wish I could fast forward
Through all the chaos
And get to the stage of
Healing and peace,

I hope I don’t have to
Wait too long.

A Deeper Layer of Hell

The Corona virus is
Psychologically torturous.

You feel as if
Every sneeze or cough
You hear is a loaded gun
Pointed at you

And every unwashed surface
Is a germ factory
Waiting to infest your
Lungs.

I’ve never seen the country
Endure a disaster
Of such magnitude,

But on a personal level
I have experienced
A deeper hell than this.

Nothing is worse than psychosis.

 

The Liberator

I wish I had a remote
That could
Fast forward to the day
A vaccine is found
Against CoVid-19.

I would replay that day
Over and over
Again
To help me understand
What prisoners
Feel like
The day they are
Liberated.

The Coronavirus Pandemic Panic

This damn thing in the air
Is driving everyone mad

Its as if the whole world
Caught on fire one day
After it got a taste of
Mortality.

Maybe after this disease
Blows away
People will understand
What it feels like
To feel vulnerable

And grow a kinder heart.