You Never Forget

20 years ago
I had no place to call home
And was “Garbage on the street”
People would walk by
Not understanding
Why
A young man so seemingly
Vibrant could end up
With no place of his own

Much later
I would find myself employed
With my own domicile
A seemingly impossible task

Now I
See the so-called
“Vagrants” on the street as
Former shadows of myself
“What could have been”
I see myself
In each of them

The Breath of Life

Psychosis is cutting into my mind
Like a thousand small cuts
Making every thought feel
Like a burden on my soul

Dear Lord don’t let it
Get out of control
Have mercy on my soul
I want myself back

From this burdensome place
This fall from grace
This troublesome path
This nefarious plight

That beckons me towards
Lucifer’s realm
Where evil dwells
And demons reside

Remove me from this asylum
And destroy this curse
Till I am restored
And given another birth

*Based on past events in early 2000’s

Blank Space

My TV tells me this:
“Believe in me my child
Listen to my sermons
And escape from
This thing called life.”

And I listen to it like
A small child who is incapable
Of thinking for itself

Till my mind shrinks
And gets
Smaller
And Smaller
Until there is
Nothing but

The Better You

A dangerous idea
Can drill a hole into the mind
And burrow deep
Into our psyche

It can cause irreparable
Harm, pain and anguish
And create havoc and
Turbulence inside our soul

This is why we must resist
Our imagination getting
Out of control
We must check our

Logic and emotions
And make sure they are
Based on fact
And not fantasy

The illogical mind is
Within all of us and
Survives in every
Irrational act and belief

It is up to us
To question our beliefs
To question our emotions
And better ourselves

2019

I want nothing memorable to happen this year
Nothing at all
Other than the status quo
Wake Up
Write Poetry
Go To Work
Go to Bed
Repeat over and over
Again
Until 2020

Outside the Box

The boundaries, rules and laws
That govern our physical, mental and
Material existence
Are but a box

Our thoughts and beliefs
Are contained within the box
In an unconscious manner
That limits us

Outside the box there exists
Unlimited possibilities
Unorthodox mannerisms
And impossible ideas

It is here where insanity and genius
Both reside
Sometimes one overtaking the other
Or both coexisting together

Each of us has such a box
That can be destroyed
And unleash our unfettered ideas
Onto the world

These unhindered ideas
Can both create and destroy
And lead us onto the path of insanity
Or brilliant insight

This is why the madman on the street
Is sometimes closer to Copernicus or Aristotle
Than you might be led to believe

The Nerds Have Taken Over

Right now
Thousands of programmers are pounding away
To bring you the latest software marvel

These geniuses lie hidden and
Out of sight providing a string of bytes
To your cell phone and computers

So you can post the latest meme
About your cat
Or the political system

They are the hidden heroes
That were picked last for kickball
And occasionally bullied at school

Now they run the world
And there is no going back
To the way things were

Technology is moving forward
Getting better faster and more clever
And we are hooked

As long as this addiction exists
Nerds will rule the world

The Pill Popping Driving Man

Taking pills
Lot of pills and
Driving hard
Long hours almost every day

To pay for those damn pills
That keep me
Balanced and
Sane

I’ve driven on almost every road
In Cincinnati delivering goods to
Pay for those
Pills

Used to get them shipped from Canada
A few years back
The local Pharmacy wanted $1600 a month
And I gave them the finger

I can bitch and moan about the cost
But they saved my life
They did
And gave me the opportunity

To live a working man’s life
And deliver packages to your door
All because of some chemical
In a pill

Don’t know what I would do without them
Possibly just bum around on the street
Asking for change and
Talking to myself

If society started caring
About the homeless
They would help them out with
A good doctor and a decent job

But they would rather
Buy bombs
And death than give a bum
A chance at a decent life

Which is why there are so many of them
Hanging out on the street
When they could be driving around and
Popping pills

Instead of being flushed down
The drain by people
Who don’t believe
That people can change

Raw and Unfiltered

This blog is titled “Schizophrenia Unfiltered” because the information provided within is raw and unfiltered by the medical, government and community establishment. It is one man’s view of his illness, and provides insight into the delusional mind in ways that are different from other sources. Much of the information about schizophrenia is biased from the viewpoint of the providers who deal with the mentally ill, but do not show the inner turmoil and day to day life circumstances and thoughts that we go through as sufferers and survivors. The news and media tend to focus on the negative aspects of the mentally ill, and often depict us as violent and parasitic in nature. They do not show the lives of the mentally ill in a realistic and non-biased way that pertain to the everyday issues we have to deal with. They do not cover the problems we have with insurance companies, housing, food and meeting our basic needs. Instead they feed into sensationalism. This blog in one way is a channel to directly get information from people and sufferers to the general public, raw and unfiltered.

Never Alone Again

A kitten showed up on my porch
Worm infested and
Half starved and
Homeless

I felt as if it was bad karma
To leave him out in the cold
Given that I myself was
Homeless some years earlier

Looking into his eyes
I knew there was this bond between us
So I took him under my wing
Cleaned him up, took him to the vet

And christened him with the name
“Mr Giggles” and gave him a
Place to stay
And we hang out to this day

Two former vagrants
Once cast aside
Yet now living it up
Having the time of our lives

Knowing that we are survivors
Has made life so much sweeter
We savor its juices even better
When we share it together

Serenity

Every night I swallow a handful of pills
To keep my mind straight
And from thinking
That “they” are out to get me

There are all shapes and sizes inside my
Medicine dish
With strange names that are
Difficult to pronounce

Strange to think that without these
I would end up residing in some
Mental health facility
But instead I am sitting at a coffee shop

Writing about what could have been
If it wasn’t for those damn pills
That I curse yet allow me
To live an almost normal life

They used to throw people like me
In asylums and lock the doors
Some 50 years ago
Strange to think about that now

Instead I live among you “normals”
Writing, reading and even
Working to try to make the world a little better
Despite its many flaws

All because of those pills
That I curse and dread
And yet granted me
A life that I should not have had

Thank You

Thank you to the readers and fans that help keep me going.  I am indebted to  you for the  letters and gifts that I have received over the years.  I would like to spend a special thank you to a fan who sent me several pottery pieces with my words etched into the pieces. They are absolutely stunning.

 

Write or Die

Work
Read
Write

Work
Read
Write

Day after day
A routine that helps keep me going
On those days
When you just feel like

Smashing everything
And kicking the teeth out of
That guy sitting next
To you at the bar

Which is why I started this
Poetry Diary
It only takes one bad choice
To destroy your life
Better to write and live free