25 Poems About My Psychotic Episodes

I highly recommend reading the About Me page prior to reading these poems.

Below are 25 poems about my psychotic episodes.  They are tales that have haunted my mind for years.   These poems tell the story of millions.

Blast Off to Insanity
By Daniel Hoeweler

They say I am mad
That I am evil
And creepy
That my genes are corrupted
And my brain is deformed
That my actions are freaky
That my behavior is not the norm

They then ask me the question
“Sir why are you this way?”
I tell them as such:
“A genetic predispisation
An environment unsound
The reasons for madness
Don’t matter to me
For I believe
In the world
Of impossibility”

Wacko Schizo
Psycho and nuts
Call me whatever
I don’t mind
For I can escape
To a strange world
And leave you behind.

I’ve seen places from hell
with fires and flames
Of torture and madness
It’s name is taboo
Psychosis, psychosis
Does it scare you?

Madness, Madness
A self destruct button
That I pressed
Years ago
To blast off on a mission
To a planet
Where the aliens are free
To play with
My memories

Here things are different
Many say they are strange
Here it’s the “normals”
That are deranged
If you want to be different
If you want to be free
From logic and reason
Then come and meet me
On this strange planet called
Insanity

Parallel Universes
By Dan Hoeweler

The universe I live in
Is different than yours
I will show you some day
And you will believe
In places
Where death stalks all
Where trickery takes place
Where deception is king
Where demons rule
Where everything is cruel

I came here one day
Through a black hole
Called Knowledge
And viewed the world
In a different light
When traveling through
I saw the demons
That rule everything
Everwhere
All the time

I see them here
In this parallel universe
That you cannot see
That you cannot hear

They can see
Those that are not blind
They track everyone
Who can see the light
They control me
They hear me
They see all

I want to be ignorant again
Just like you
But poisoning my mind
With strange pills
Which brainwash me
Will not let
Me be free

I wish I was blind
And could not see
This world is a curse
To everything
That I breathe

One day you may discover
This parallel world
And find yourself in
A lot of trouble
With demons
That see and hear
Everything that you do
With voices
That will torment you

Stay away from the voices
Stay away from the light
Don’t listen to them
Don’t think they exist
They will lead you here
Where I am now
With voices
And demons that I fear

Stay ignorant please
Forever more
Or the demons will come
And take your soul

The Demon
By Dan Hoeweler

Who is that man
That I see
Who is that man
That watches me
You look suspicious
And very strange
Stop staring at me
As if your deranged

I look at you
You glare me
I begin to see
Your murderous spree
I’m onto you
I see your hate
As you walk towards me
I stand and wait
I see your eyes
They are red
Demon of Lucifer
You want me dead

An angelic voice
Speaks to me
From a place
I can not see
“There is no mercy
There is only hate
For you my friend
This is your fate.”

The Things That Lie Hidden
By Dan Hoeweler

I sense the hidden apparitions and entities that wander
About my abode
Screaming, squawking, and gnarling
In disharmonious tune

These capricious plotting conniving twisted devils
Torture and pain the fabric of my mind
In inconceivable and intangible ways
Incessantly whispering, screaming, and howling

They sing sagas of my death
They whisper tunes of my suffering
This is the mesmerizing tale they tell
This is the story etched within:

“We are coming to get you
You cannot escape
Your death is near
Do not resist your fate”

This song of death, this requiem of evil
Ensnares my spirit and captures my soul
Till they willingly waltz the dance of death
With abhorrent apparitions in the ballroom of Satan

These seductive entities of death with their songs
So beautifully written by Lucifer just for me
To torment the spirit I once held
Now taint my every nerve and thought

Their melody beckons me even now and here
Their irresistible tunes from what our senses cannot perceive
Their voices of horror and madness from within
I cannot resist them

I profess this as a warning to you:
There are things that you cannot see, that you cannot perceive
That no book will tell of, that no instrument can measure or enumerate
There are things that lie hidden, that no mortal is meant to sense
Do not disturb the natural order of things, lest you suffer my fate

Under the Sea
By Dan Hoeweler

Illogical bits and bytes
Are passing through my mind
Corrupting my logic and reason and
Scrambling my data
Within a nanosecond of time

This cataclysmic
Malware attack on my brain
Has left me confused and
I feel my brain sinking
Into a sea of 0’s and 1’s
Deeper
Still deeper
Into the abyss of
Unreality

A lack of reason has overtaken me
And I am swept away by waves
Of irrationality
To the bottom of the sea
Darkness has enveloped me
And I find myself lost
Under a sea
That has long forgotten me

The Burden

I came home from grocery shopping
One sunny afternoon
And there were five police cars parked
Outside my house with flashing lights.

I was met with a surreal and chaotic scene
As my cherished possessions were
Scattered outside on the lawn
In an unorganized manner.

Going inside the house
Past the police officers
My house looked
Thoroughly Disheveled
And searched through.

Outside my window
I could see the perpetrators
Sitting with angry and unrepentant
Visages drawn upon their faces
In the back of the police cruiser.

Some weeks later
I was still shaken by this event
And paranoid about my safety.

I’d like to say everything
Went back to normal afterwards
But certain events change you forever
In ways that you cannot predict.

This had been the third time
I had been robbed in Cincinnati
And I guess my psyche
Had had enough.

The anger and mistrust
That I felt
Towards humanity
Never fully diminished.

I was told these emotions are a
Defense mechanism
To help prevent me from being
A crime victim in the future.

It is the burden
I carry
To help me
Stay safe.

So far it has worked.

The Inferno
By Dan Hoeweler

Electrical waves
Passing through my brain
In a haphazard fashion
Turbulent and inconsistent

My neurons exploding
Like firecrackers in the night
From this blight
Popping
And out of sight

My prefrontal cortex
Burns
While my eardrums sizzle
And smoke
Suffocates my consciousness

Flames enter and
Incinerate
My cerebrum
Till it becomes
Embers in the night sky
Thousands of glowing
Smiles of freedom

Psychosis
By Dan Hoeweler

Running from
A wicked thought
Thinking of
A deadly plot
Seeing and touching
It again
Fleeing fighting
Free me my friend

Thinking thoughts
That it eats
Making it stronger
Making me meek.

An idea begins
A deadly game
Of cat and mouse
That I believe is sane
Help my friend
Save me again
From the beast
Who wants to feast

The C.I.A.
By Dan Hoeweler

They like to peep
And watch
And See
And hide
And scheme
And listen
To me.

Their devices
And cameras
Lie under my skin
Their Spies
And Wiretaps
Can find me
Again

Secrets and plots
And nefarious men
Seeking me out
Wherever they can
Creeping around
Without a sound
Help me, my friend

My Psychiatrist
By Dan Hoeweler

My psychiatrist is a C.I.A. Agent
I know this to be true
You’d better watch out
He may be watching you

He poisons me daily
By giving me pills
That cloud my mind
And make me ill

His cameras spy
On my every move
As I try to flee
And escape from their view

He likes to trick me
Since I know a lot
About his plans
And his sneaky plot

I know he knows
That I know the truth
That my Psychiatrist’s a CIA agent
That is sneaky and sleuth

The Hiding Spot
By Dan Hoeweler

Rationality eludes me.
My mind is free
to turn my imagination
into a reality.

I hear aliens
from electronics in my brain
they are trying to steal
a mind that was sane

And so I hide,
From their peering eyes,
As they sit in a spaceship,
High in the sky.

Their technology knows,
That I am here,
as I quiver and groan,
In fright and fear.

The Thought Thieves
By Dan Hoeweler

I think a thought
Of which they take
They create an idea
Which is fake

An idea that was mine
A thought that was fine
A heavenly vision
On a mission

They take them so boldly
And kill them solely
To enslave and control me
And trick and fool me

I’m starting to think too much
They know it now
I feel my memory
Being erased somehow

What was I saying?
How am I here?
Who am I speaking to?
This is so queer.

Monsters
By Dan Hoeweler

There is a world
Beyond our own
Where monsters live
Waiting for me
I know they are real
For I live in their world
And not in yours

They say that monsters
Don’t exist
But I have seen them
From inside my brain
Feeding
Feeding
Am I insane?

Transfering thoughts
Reading my mind
Inserting ideas
Inside my head
These monsters are evil
I wish
Them dead

Monsters exist
You may not see them
But I am like a ghost
Wandering this earth
Till I die
And am given second birth

They are all around me
Like spirits in the night
But I am dead
And can see
That they exist
And cause me misery

To experience death
A thousand times
Before I die
Is a burden
Upon me
My soul is wary
And tired
And tortured
With pain
That no one
Can see

I am alone, sir
With monsters
Around me
I am alone, sir
Why are you
Mocking me?
I am alone, sir
With company
I am alone, sir
With monsters
That feed
on me

 

Buy This
By Dan Hoeweler

Hallucinations
And
Delusions
Be Jesus Christ
Or somebody else

Hear voices
Speak
And brag to your boss
That you have special
Powers
That he does not
Like invisibility
Or talking to
Your dog

This is not
The Fake
LSD
Bullshit
This is
The greatest
Show on earth
All Natural
Stuff

I know hearing voices
Isn’t the latest fad
It’s not on the
Hollywood “A” list
Yet
But once
I am on
Oprah
Or
Rickey Lake
Then things
Will start
To change

Afterwards
I will wear
A shirt
With a
“Got Voices”?
Logo
And
Take my Anti-psychotics
Only five days a week
So I can listen
To God
On the Sabbath
And find out
That I am
The Messiah
By Monday

The NSA
By Dan Hoeweler

I once had a vision
That the government was spying on me
And had tapped into my computer
While monitoring my phone calls
And tracking my whereabouts

I had a vision
Of nefarious government agents
Tracking
Remembering
And following
Everyone
Everywhere
All the time

I had a vision
And it ended up being true
Now that reality has seeped in
Everyone is schizophrenic

Thought Manipulators
By Dan Hoeweler

Thought Manipulators
Thought Controllers
Thought Deceivers
And Thought Receivers

My thoughts are not yours
To steal
My memories are not yours
To erase
My existence is not yours
To terrorize
My beliefs are not yours
To control

I am free
To think and choose
Don’t come near me
I am not yours

You Are Welcome Here
By Dan Hoeweler

Welcome to the madhouse
We don’t discriminate
We think you are great

Welcome to the madhouse
Our asylum is growing
There is plenty room in here

Welcome to the madhouse
The world is crazy
Why not catch it’s disease

Welcome to the madhouse
We are the new normal
We are your new friends

Welcome to the madhouse
The special place
For special people

Welcome to the madhouse
Drive yourself crazy
Then join our club

Welcome to the madhouse
We are recruiting
Don’t be left out

Welcome to the madhouse
A vacation away from normal
A new place to call home

Welcome to the madhouse
A fun club
For fun people

Welcome to the madhouse
Take lots of pills
Take them for free

Welcome to the madhouse
Just call your doctor
And get your ticket in

Welcome to the madhouse
Step up
And step in

Voices in the Night
By Dan Hoeweler

Voices, voices in the night
I hear you speaking
About my plight

“Going to have fun
My puppet my toy
As I steal your thoughts
As I play with your head
I’m eager to feed
As you lie in bed”

Voices please
Stay away
I don’t want trouble
This very day

“I am here
To play with your soul
As you listen to me
You are under my control
My voices come
From within
The device I implanted
Under your skin”

Voices, voices
Threatening me
I beg and plea
Let me be

“An idea can begin
A deadly game
Of cat and mouse
That is insane
Think hard now
At the thought
In your head
Now run for your life
Or just be dead”

Voices, voices
Don’t unleash the beasts
That chase after me

“It’s too late my friend
They are after you
You’d better hurry
They know where you are
So run along
Or you won’t get far

The Confessions Of My Paranoia
By Dan Hoeweler

I am the one that follows you
I am the one that knows your thoughts
I am the one that you cannot hide from
I am the one with secret plots

I am the one who tapped your phone
I am the one who whispers in your ear
I am the one who you talk to
I am the one who brings you to tears

I am the one that made you a leper
I am the one that made you feared
I am the one that made you beg
I am the one whose always near

I am the one who stole your wife
I am the one who stole your job
I am the one who stole your home
I am the one who possessed your life

Yours Forever,
Your Paranoia

You Don’t Know Me
By Dan Hoeweler

I am not that thing
On your television screen
That searches for victims
In the night

Is that what you think of me?
A madman gone bad
A badman gone wild
A wild man on the loose

Maybe if we met and talked
You would find out
That I am vegetarian
That I can program in C
That I am a nerd who likes Star Wars
And a computer instructor

Instead you see
A man once gone mad
Who used to hallucinate
And hear voices
Who am I?
How would you know

The Monsters on TV
By Dan Hoeweler

I am a decent human
Or so I thought
Until the news told me
That I am a
Schizophrenic nut
Gone mad
Destined to be
Soulless and bad

That’s why I decided to turn off the news
And think instead
About the things that matter
Instead of listening to the propaganda
On my TV
Televised stupidity
That doesn’t represent me
Take me away
From that insanity

The Computer Virus in my Head

Information scrambled into irregular bits and bytes
Are being downloaded into my mind
Corrupting the input/output
Regulator that has given me
Balance throughout time
These corrupt data points
Are a source of angst for my
Central Processing Unit
A source of logic
That has gone mad
And is now creating
Dysfunctional data
Scrambled information
Malignant viruses
And corrupt logic
Inside my head

You Never Forget

20 years ago
I had no place to call home
And was “Filth on the street”
People would walk by
Not understanding
Why
A young man so seemingly
Vibrant could end up
With no place of his own

Much later
I would find myself employed
With my own domicile
A seemingly impossible task

Now I
See the so-called
“Vagrants” on the street as
Former shadows of myself
“What could have been”
I see myself
In each of them

The Unreality of my Being

Is reality something that is sold to us
In propaganda and TV commercials?
Or is it something else?
Some ticking thing inside my head that
I play with from time to time
In an attempt to make myself happy
Or to escape from this sick, sick place
Into the unreality of insanity.

Never Alone Again
By Dan Hoeweler

A kitten showed up on my porch
Worm infested and
Half starved and
Homeless

I felt as if it was bad karma
To leave him out in the cold
Given that I myself was
Homeless some years earlier

Looking into his eyes
I knew there was this bond between us
So I took him under my wing
Cleaned him up, took him to the vet

And christened him with the name
“Mr Giggles” and gave him a
Place to stay
And we hang out to this day

Two former vagrants
Once cast aside
Yet now living it up
Having the time of our lives

Knowing that we are survivors
Has made life so much sweeter
We savor its juices even better
When we share it together

The Blacklist

I don’t understand it
But ever since I started writing
About my delusions online
Headhunters
Haven’t called me
For an interview
Not even
One single time.

Its as if I carry the plague
I can ward every fortune 500 company
From one hundred miles away
I guess they have never heard about
That law called
The ADA.

Antipsychotics

Have you ever had your life
Held by a thin rope?

That is what
Everything feels like
On a
Life saving drug.

My job
My friends
My family
My life

All dependent
On a single pill.

Without
These pills
I would cease
To be,

And with them
I can flourish.

Modern medicine
Has breathed
Life into me,

And made me realize
That true heroes
Often work
In hospitals

Stigma & Victim Avoidance

Psychotic Universe

Thing of evil.
Seed of Satan.
That primordial
Idea that gave
Birth to terror
From inside
My mind:

“That evil exists everywhere”.

That cancerous thought
That grew
Like tumors
Inside my soul.

That idea that
Conjured this other world
To unfold.

A universe
Where
Falsehoods become truth
And truth becomes horror.

A universe
Where misery reigns
Where demons thrive
Where reason dies.

A universe
Where friends become enemies.
Where enemies are not real.
Where love does not exist.

A universe that
I’ve poisoned with
Thousands of pills
From physician and
Quake alike.

A universe were
I no longer reside
Allowing the tale can be told.
I remain precariously unfettered
Till eternity takes hold.

Recovery Journey